Thursday, May 25, 2006

The Bacon Ice Cream Theorem

1. Bacon = good; Ice Cream = good, therefore Bacon Ice Cream (otherwise stated as Bacon*Ice Cream) = good^2.
2. truth = good, true = truth, TRUE = 1, therefore good = 1.
3. Lies = bad, lies = false, FALSE = 0, therefor bad = 0. This reinforces the idea that good = 1.
4. 1 squared = 1, Bacon = good, good = 1, so Bacon = 1, same for Ice Cream, there for Bacon Ice Cream = 1.
5. 1 = good, therefore Bacon Ice Cream = good.

Got another way to prove this? Post it at http://s15.invisionfree.com/Dark_Lord_Conclave.

Thursday, April 27, 2006

Hotel Review: Holiday Inn Select

By Edgy Swordbearer

Rating: 3 stars (out of 5)
Location: Undisclosed
Cost: Really freaking expensive without a discount

Let me just say this up front: if you aren't getting a discount off your room price, then this hotel isn't worth the money for a casual trip. With the price tag and mentality, you'd think they were trying to take over the world.

The king-size single bedroom, which I stayed in, features free wi-fi internet, but requires an actual web browser, making it impossible to connect with a Nintendo DS or portable remote hacking system. They also had the standard essential bits, such as a bed (which was a bit hard for my personal taste, but one that others may like), cabinets, tables, lamps, cable TV, and the like. The bathroom had an excellent massage head (good for loosening up after brutalizing the masses, and excellent water pressure and temperature. My only complaint about the bathroom is the fact that the "fogless" mirror fogged up on me. Liars.

The hotel also featured a swimming pool, spa, basketball court, and "game room," none of which I utilized. The swimming pool was occupied most of the time, and the "game room" consisted of three arcade cabinets, all of which were very old. The newest one they had was Hydro Thunder. I didn't even know there was a Popeye arcade game.

Past the pool, I believe everything cost extra money. The breakfast buffet was $11 per person because it "didn't come with my room." I didn't bother to ask if I could use their underground lair, because they would have charged me for that too. As would Starbucks. Never asked them either.

Overall, I had a nice stay, but for the price, a Dark Lord deserves better.

Excuse me while I go start a hotel chain.

Travel safe,
--Edgy

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Edgy's Tips for the Evil #1

Air Vent Security and Evil Plan Execution Factor


Evil Plan Execution Factor, or EPEF (pronounced e-peff), is a quality factor many of us overlords use as an industry standard for a measure of success. The factor is determined by taking an average of the success of all an overlord's career schemes rated on a scale from 1-10 by the panel of experts at Overlord Magazine, which is edited by a neutral third party to avoid bias, and has the best security system in the nation to avoid hostile takeover.

Now you and I have both seen multiple evil plans which have been foiled because some dumbbutt hero crawled through an air vent into the control room and hacked the system/changed the coordinates/sliced apart everything in sight with an axe. Therefore, the first order of security should be to secure the base's ventilation system. The trouble is figuring out how to secure the vents.

Although the most obvious solution would be to do away with air vents altogether, it is not a plausible solution because any great mind, however aligned, works best in a climate-controlled environment. Speaking of that, I need to go adjust the thermostat.




That's better.

Since air vents are a necessary part of the base, basic defenses should be implemented first before anything else is done. This could include occasional mesh gates, large labyrinths of intertwined ducts, and vent covers that cannot be opened using conventional screwdrivers. However, any self-respecting overlord who has ever seen a miniature laser cutting device in use should know that these measures are simply not enough, and secondary security devices should be placed.

Some of the more classic and entertaining security measures are motion sensitive spikes that will protrude from the wall whenever the hero passes them. However, to keep the hero from fooling the spike system, I suggest using heat sensors on the spikes as opposed to a simple motion sensor, as well as sensors completely surrounding the area so they can't cover themselves in tinfoil and just walk past very easily. If they make themselves completely covered, the software will recognize unusually unheated areas as well to avoid simple trickery. On a design note, conical spikes would be best for maximum penetration and least air resistance.

Another possibility would involve lead ball bearings shooting from one end of the duct to the other whenever an intruder is detected, working in similar fashion to the spikes. If the hero doesn't die from the bullet-like velocity, they'll hurt from the lead poisoning.

The third measure has nothing to do with the air ducts, and is quite simple: three guards at each duct vent.

Afterward, we raise the concern of duct cleaning. This is quite simple: use robots which will explode upon hacking. Either that, or have those clean the duct that are...expendable. No, scratch that, there's no such thing as an expendable lackey. Robots it is. If the robots fail, there's always the fire hose.

And you should never have to escape through the vent myself. That's what the one-way fire escape is for.

This way, the hero shouldn't be able to foil your plan, and you'll have a high enough EPEF to hit the top 10 list in Overlord Magazine.

Well, that's my tip for today. Until next time,

Edgy Swordbearer

P.S. Don't forget the forums: http://s15.invisionfree.com/Dark_Lord_Conclave/

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

All hail, greetings and all that.

Hello, I'd like to welcome myself to your humble blog. Doughnut? Don't mind if I do. Uh, no thanks, that one looks a little old. I'll take a mold-less one - this one'll do.

I am GodaimeSama, which vaguely translates into 'Lady Fifth.' The fifth what, you say? I might answer, but then again I might not. I am the Xth member of our all-knowing community, and one of many worshippers of the god 'ECD,' or electric computing device, but as far as I know, the only vampiress in the vicinity. But don't you worry your little veins, because the price of blood is skyrocketing and I'd much rather make a profit than drink it myself. It tastes like oyster anyway. Did I mention how I hate oysters?



Being a vampiress, it's only natural that I'm dark. And I'm very much an overlord. But, sometimes, the job of overlording is too straightforward - then, we dark overlords stream into the darkness like a gila monster flushed down a toilet drain, to strike unsuspecting behinds at every turn.

But, the more creative ex-dark overlords become something we mortals only dream of - the dark underlord.

The dark overlord rules the world and brainwashes the masses into glorious submission. The dark underlord brainwashes the dark overlord so he/she rules the world without being the target of assassination attempts involving chicken feathers, tar, and a very, very depraved walrus. But let's not get into that.

The Dark Underlord manipulates and creates opportunities, without the stresses of being world dictator, like how many of this brand of patent leather shoes to buy. You know those shoes shine so much that if I so chose, I could see up Your Overlord's robes? The Underlord photographs the Overlord's underpants in the reflection and sells it off on Ebay to crumble the Overlord's reputation, or blackmails said Overlord into paying fifteen times its worth. In cash. And of course, the Underlord can dissapear back down the toilet hole again when they choose, to strike once again at an innocent person's bare buttocks. Oh, sorry, those were your shoes.



So deliberate, and deliberate wisely: Choose, young grasshopper, and the world shall be your oyster.

Did I mention how much I hate oysters?

This is GodaimeSama, signing off.

Thursday, March 09, 2006

Several

there are several new stuffs to see on the forum and They all revolve around me!!!

(It's because i'm just so cool)

Thursday, February 23, 2006

Changes are ahead

And I'm not telling you what they are.

Forum should be working again, by the way. Check it out!

Until then,
The Computer Nut/Edgy Swordbearer

Sunday, January 15, 2006

Forum!

http://s15.invisionfree.com/Dark_Lord_Conclave/index.php?act=idx

Note that Edgy Swordbearer=me. This will be changed on the blog when I get around to it. Enjoy yourselves, and be sure to read the rules.

I will change the colors when I have more time.

Thursday, January 12, 2006

...

....


HACKING SEQUENCE SUCESSFUL

DELETING THE COMPUTER NUT'S FILES

...

DELETING COMPLETE

CLOSING LINK

...


(Back at Raptor8989's hidden outpost)

He he he, my work is done. And now for Darklordrebels files...

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Collabrative Efferts (<--purposefully misspelled)

The Computer Nut: Well, I'm on DLR's compy right now, and we're doing a post together. So, what do you want to talk about?

DLR: Let's talk about dumb people who never post on here anymore. Like Raptor...

CU: Yes, let's. But before we get insulting, let us take a moment to reflect upon that big pile of whateveritwas we burned...

DLR: Oh, you mean Raptor's house?

CU: ...actually, it was his not-really-secret base of operations. But anyway, let's reflect. More accurately, since it's still burning, we can get a giant magnifying glass and scorch something else.

DLR: Why use a magnifying glass when we can use a laser? *makes laser sounds*

CU: Magnifying glasses are more energy efficient. Man, come on, just think of all the cooling fans we'd need by themselves! And stop that. *kicks DLR in the shin*

DLR: Oh yeah? *presses button and runs out of room laughing*

CU: Uh...*looks at laser button, then looks at button DLR pressed*...oh...crap...he...started...the...freaking...nuclear
...washing...machine...prototype...RUN FOR THE @#$% HILLS!!!! *grabs Hazmat suit and attempts to stop washing machine*

DLR: *laughing his head off in the doorway* Hahaha! I just switched the labels on the buttons! That was really the giant laser! (undertone: ...but I can't remember where I had the targeting coordinates set to...somewhere in Australia, I think...)

CU: You idiot. I had switched the cables around earlier to protect from moronic intruders! Put a protective suit on and help me keep this thing from putting the entire world in a nuclear winter.

DLR: Actually, that washing machine isn't even nuclear powered...I just told you that to keep you from toying whth it...and I thought it was funny.

CU: Oh...I...uh...kinda thought you'd just run out of nuclear energy...and...kinda... put a plutonium power core in the power supply. I found out it didn't work when I tried to wash my shirt and it melted. Not burned, melted.

DLR: This machine isn't for washing clothes stupid, its for torturing prisoners! My real doomsday device got confiscated by the HSA a few days ago. I've been tracking their movements using my targeting computer.....oh dear....

CU: Hey, this machine isn't even on. It still needs more shielding around the nuclear power supply, though, so...crap...poor Australians.

DLR: Quick hide before... *T.V. flicks on. Michael Eisner's face appeares on the screen yelling*
(removed for lack of interest. And cus...er...colorful language)

CU: I didn't know Disney ruled Australia too. Well, I'm out of here...

DLR:Me too...

*lots of running and blowing up of crap*

*cut to picture of washing machine with dramatic music. Screen blacks out with exploding noise.*


DISCLAIMER: Of course, none of this actually happened. Anything related to true people or incidents is purely coincidential. And we're pretty sure Disney doesn't rule Australia...yet.

Saturday, October 29, 2005

Halloween

Ok guys its getting close to halloween and Ive got some crazy stuff planned for som heroes taking time off to be nice to little kids. I won't tell you what tey are just yet, byt they have something to do with Raptor and a bucket full of eels. I'll get back to you with the details after the plan is executed. In the meen time lets hear what you guys are planning.....